Twilight

You are here...

Home

Twilight

Relationship rules rewritten (Twilight style)

Bothered

I am trying to learn how to be a better man. Since Edward seems to have all the ladies chasing him and can do no wrong, I thought we could take a few lessons on how to be the 'ideal man'

1. Be skinny and sickly pale. Apparently pale is the new tan.

2. Use glittery body wash. "If you don't twinkle in the light, it just isn't right"

3. Hunt - animals not people, but do so in a manner that is fair to the animal - bare hands, and don't waste the blood....

4. Have cold body parts. While this may be shocking to those of us whose frigid finger has grazed the back of a loved one, old rules appear to have changed.

Please login or register to see the full article

Run from your problems??

Another confused man

So..... I was cajoled into watching New Moon a few nights ago. (cajoled as opposed to wheedled or inveigled) It was a group effort set in play by my lovely significant other, and reinforced by the new half sized vampire converts in our home..... Fortunately I was allowed to bring my phone on which I was able to occasionally escape and watch YouTube clips to retain my sanity!

Since the Twilight series was introduced to myrelationship, I have become increasingly confused. Everything that has been taught to me by my significant other about handling conflict, being romantic, taking risks, etc, has all gone out the window with the bath water.

Take for example the main premise of this book/movie. Edward has a problem (ok, he has many but we can only deal with one at a time) He doesn't face the problem with open communication as we are repeatedly instructed to. He doesn't seek her out and openly and lovingly communicate his feelings.... He runs. Not to play ball with the boys, but thousands of miles away!

Here is where it gets really disturbing. Bella believes that she can't live without him, and begins a series of daredevil escapades to try to see images of Edward telling her not to. At what point to we call this an unhealthy relationship!

For those of you who haven't seen the movie, and are under pressure to do so, if you are having trouble sleeping, it may be a good cure for that. Similar to other reviews, this is a great 30 minute show that takes over 2 hours to get through. The graphics are infinitly better than the initial movie, and the acting is somewhat improved.

The best way to view this is to tell your significant other that you want to be supportive but are really busy. Bring your laptop so you can 'work' while watching the movie. This will allow you to see the highlights, but retain your sanity!

Add this page to your favorite Social Bookmarking websites

How Edward would fare in real life!

administrator

Guys, we have been vindicated! Thanks to some amazing work by 'rebelliouspixels', we now have a version of Twilight showing the success that Edward would have with Bella. It is 6 minutes of hilarity!

Add this page to your favorite Social Bookmarking websites

My Wife Called Me Edward

administrator

The following story is not true. It is completely made up, fictional, and bears no semblance to reality. This disclaimer required for my physical well-being.....

It is a strange feeling. You know he is pretend (although you aren't sure she does) you know your relationship isn't in jeopardy, you know that in a normal world, this is just a 'fun hobby' that your significant other, daughter, and in extreme cases, guy friend has become interested in. Then why oh why does it bother us so?

It wouldn't be possible to be jealous of a teddy bear, cartoon character, or other fictional character, so why does the Edward's character bother us guys so much?

For a while I thought it was the 'bad boy' image that he personified. Then the tortured soul. Then I thought it may be the strong, silent guy factor.

Now I just put myself into a case of denial and pretend it doesn't exist.

The climax of this all began when the other night my wife and I were having a fairly standard conversation, and then instead of calling me by my name, the name Edward slipped out..... I am accustomed to be called by my children's names, my wife's brother's name, and even the occasional slip calling me Dad..... not as in 'Hey big daddy', but as in 'Dad'.

None of these other instances bothered me in the least. So why did the verbal slip containing one word send me reeling so badly. I can't imagine that being called 'Mr. Buttons" would have had the same effect, so what was it that caused the name of yet another fictional character that set me back. Please login or register to see the full article

Funny How Things Change

Changed Man

A year ago, I would have said it is funy how things change over time. Now I know how quickly things change over the course of reading a book series. That process alone is amazing. Normally reading a book series of 3,000 pages would take someone a year to read, but the (apparent) infatuating nature of the Twilight series has women around the world going in to a weeklong trance like state until the task is complete.

Compare this transition to one of immersion therapy or rehab..... A woman goes in thinking they don't have a problem, or that they don't need help. When the read the first few pages of the first book, they have now entered the 12 step program. This program however isn't to free our loved ones from addiction, it is to create a change in their live distorting everything we have learned over the course of our relationships.

Consider this - a year ago, a cold body part was something to be shunned like a heavily soiled diaper.... Now I hear constantly the terms romantic and cold body in the same conversation. (until I attempt to touch my wife’s neck with a cold appendage, at which point reality is reintroduced abruptly)

Please login or register to see the full article

Comments (1)

More Articles...